24 December 2013

What does it mean to you? Serenity.

Assalamualaikum ~

Sometimes you need to feel serenity, to feel lifted, like your feet aren't touching the ground, your head is in the sky, you fly away in your own mind to that one special place where you crave for so badly, like you're touching the sky and dancing with the stars.

Doodling gives me that feeling. Nothing beats putting on your headphones and letting High Highs by Open Season to repeat endlessly or just listening to the whole Nocturnal album by Yuna, picking up a pencil, opening a blank page on your little sketch book, starting to sketch what here was described as "sketch macam cibai" by my classmate due to the fact that it is very rough and ugly, stretching out your arms before eventually picking up a black pen, settling the fragile outlines, then filling in the blanks, the little details while you keep stretching once or twice or even ten times in the enchanting, silent process, exchanging that black pen with a worn-out eraser and erasing the early sketch, finally picking up your sketch book to examine every single detail you've done, that thing you've created from scratch, from nothingness.


And finally, there comes the time when you had to land back on earth, to lift your head up from that sketch book of yours to see that the world around you had moved on. 

Some may say that the simple thing you've created is nothing, it's unimportant, insignificant. But what does it matter when you've found serenity from that little moment of self discovery and expression of feelings and desires?

So take your time, get lost in art and come back when it's time.

Actually, I'm being pretty sentimental because I left my sketch book dekat atas meja bilik asrama. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

21 December 2013

Dear Mila...

Assalamualaikum ~

This post is made speacially for my former roommate during my first semester in UiTM because I recently saw her comments on my blog and I think that I wanna say a few things to her too...

So, dear Mila...

I haven't known a better roommate than you and of course, Farah. I rarely sleep in my own room that much anymore. I run away from that room. I thought it would be easier being in a room with part 1 students, turned out it was tougher. I'd be the first to get up and I don't even talk to them until it was time to actually go to class. I only get back late and they won't be in the room most of the time. Luckily, I do have those three girls with me so I usually go to their rooms and do my work there.

There's no more comfort in the room like I used to feel when you and Farah were here. There are no more sweet 'take cares' or those wide, sincere yet tired smiles from the both of you. I was not joking when I said that the two of you felt like comfort. I used to have late classes and all I wanted to do when I had to walk back home was to open the door and see the two of you turning your heads to the door and smile at me with a cheerful "Hiiiii!"

And I knew that the day was over and there was the understanding comfort of my ex-roommates who tolerated with my late-sleeping and made me feel comfortable doing my piled-up assignments no matter how late it got.

I run to the office a lot now, even though there were no updates online, just because I feel more comfortable alone.

Don't get me wrong, my roommates are very nice. But I can never break through this awkwardness around them. All I do is give them tired smiles and awkward chuckles to every word they say.

I cried my eyes out in front of you, showing how much I trust you and that you matter. I showed you my true colors, both good and bad side. You were the one that I never could wait to tell stories to, and now that I have new, exciting, happy and overflowing stories, I really feel like I wanna share with you. You were a second home and I thought I loved 017 because of the room itself. But now I realised that the room didn't matter, what mattered was actually being there with you and Farah.

Needless to say, I miss you so much and I hope you take good care of yourself too 

12 December 2013

Rabak.

Assalamulaikum ~

Sekarang ni tahap stress aku dah naik kepala dah. Aku taktau mana nak mulakan assignment, mana nak susun event, nak pergi holiday atau tak, nak kumpul duit, nak start business segala bagai.

Hectic. Hidup hectic. Tidur pukul 2.30 pagi, bangun pagi pukul 7.46 walhal kelas start 8.30.

What is that? Sejak bila aku jadi orang yang paling lambat siap?? Malu dengan diri sendiri. Menyampah dengan body clock.

Phone buat hal pulak tu. Ya Allah, banyaknya dugaan.

Rabak is the best way to describe my condition. Tubuh badan rabak. Otak rabak. Hati pun nak jugak rabak. Keliru. Celaru.

Suka tapi tak suka. Penat tapi takde rehatnya. Semak tapi tiada penyelesaiannya.

Lepas tu lately semua orang ada masalah miscommunication. Aku penatlah fikir. Tak payahlah nak gaduh-gaduh. Guna mean words sana sini. Makan dalam, balik bilik mengumpat pakai Whatsapp bagai. Touching diorang, diorang lepas. Touching aku campak mana? Aku tunjuk perasaan sikit semua cakap "Tak payahlah cepat terasa." Palotak. Lepas tu. ayat hari ni paling pedas penah aku dapat: "KAU SIAPA NAK.....?"

Ya, aku admit aku sangat terasa. Rendah sangat ke taraf aku sampai aku kena "KAU SIAPA" tu??

Aku takde makna, is it?? Aku cuma cakap dari pandangan aku. Aku pun kenal orang tu jugak. Aku pun penah texting non-stop dengan orang tu jugak. Aku malaslah. Nak cakap depan jadi gaduh, cakap belakang/update Twitter lagi jadi gaduhnya dalam diam. Nak lepas macam mana? Simpan sampai mampus is it? Aku pandai simpan, tapi diorang tak pandai simpan. Vibe "AKU TAK SUKA KAU" tu macam nak datang balik tau. Aura tu aku dah terasa.

Takkan aku nak jadi macam dulu? Loner? Hidup sensorang, gerak sensorang. And then group berempat, kena ada consideration. Partner projek janganlah main tarik je. Cuba tanya dulu pendapat masing-masing. Consider hati dan perasaan orang lain.

Tak one pack macam dulu dah. Aku je ke yang asyik ingat betapa seronoknya kita semua penat-penat kat Pengkalan Balak tu? Aku je ke yang masih senyum sampai telinga ingat panas terik basah kuyup kat pantai tu? Aku je ke masih flashback malam-malam cuti sem kita tak tidur ber-Whatsapp bagai tu? Aku je ke yang akan merindui semua ni satu hari nanti while everybody moves on like yesterday never happened?

Eminerds dah macam adik-beradik. Cubalah setiap orang ambil inisiatif untuk jaga hati masing-masing. Janganlah api terus jadi api je dan yang jadi air berterusan kena tolerate dengan korang. Apa kata semua jadi air, flow in one and let nothing come between us.



This is now. This is us.

I love you people and I want to hold no grunge over you guys, but sometimes I think that you guys forget that I hurt too.

11 December 2013

Unplanned.

Assalamualaikum ~

Unplanned outings definitely leads to unplanned occurings.

After I showered when I got back from a rainy ELC evening, I got a call from my mom ajak kuar makan. Standard la mama kalau ajak kuar makan mesti dekat bomba Alor Gajah tu je. Aku pun ye kan je la memandangkan tengah kopak, takde duit makan. Then tetibe Nana call out of the blue.

"Nid, nak gi Cheng tak?"

Tujuan nak pegi Cheng pasal nak makan McD. Hahahahahaha. Sumpah random gila diorang malam ni. I said to the girls that I'll meet them after dinner. So alkisahnya aku ingatkan diorang naik teksi sebab Nana dah cakap awal-awal. Rupanya diorang managed to sewa Viva sebijik. After my dad dropped me off dekat depan Tesco menghadap McD, aku terlihatkan Mira yang terjerit-jerit memanggil nama aku dari balcony.

Dengan hati penuh riang, aku naik la tingkat atas, enjoying the freedom kejap sebab dah almost tiga minggu terperangkap dalam UiTM dengan event bagai sume.

Wajiblah kan camwhore dulu.

Qila and Nana's meal. 

Aku beli McFlurry je. Saja nak mencuci mulut. Senanya kitorang plan nak amek gambar untuk assignment photography tapi tempat tak sesuai. Yang ada McD sebijik, Tesco sebijik. Ape je nak amek jadi subject matter? Last-last lepas jejak Tesco, kitorang plan nak pegi turun Alor Gajah kat Dataran Keris untuk shoot kat sana.

Di sinilah berlakunya perkara-perkara paling lawak pernah aku experience masa naik kereta. Masa first aku naik McD pun diorang dah tanya aku gas station mana sebab indicator dah blinking. Lepas dah cari Waze bagai kitorang teruskan perjalanan. Dekat je Petronas, dalam 0.2km je pun. Awal-awalnya biasalah kitorang gelak-gelak sebab Mira tak sure nak reverse pusing stereng kiri ke kanan. Lepas tu nak cari Petronas nye kena U-turn bagai, masa U-turn tu kitorang kasi kata-kata semangat sume ah. Dah sampai kat gas station, taktau pulak tempat isi minyak sebelah kiri ke kanan. Mira parking dah termasuk sangat. Nana pun keluar lah jadi JPJ instructor tak berbayar kat luar. Pun sama jugak hal stereng taktau nak pusing mana.

Lepas tu, dah cantik parking tu, tetibe berlakulah detik kecemasan sebab kitorang taktau Viva punya switch pembuka gas tank kat mana. Cari atas bawah kiri kanan tepi kerusi semua. Mira tertarik satu benda ni dekat dengan handbrake, tetibe bonet terbukak. Lepas tu cari punya cari dah tergelak sebab kelakar sangat. Siap argue nak tanya classmates lelaki, pastu sapa tah yang suggest kena marah. Malu seh tak reti isi minyak sume hahahahahahahahaha. Aku suruh diorang tanya mamat yang pump gas tapi sekor pun tak muncul. Last-last Mira tekan benda alah tadi tu ke bawah then gas tank pun terbukak. Hahahahahaha cibai masing-masing.

Driver sengal.

Dah tu isi minyak sume, tersedar pulak kereta tu bergerak ke depan ke belakang. Qila tanya lah kenapa. Aku pun perasan handbrake tak turun. Aduh, tragedi betul naik keta dengan orang baru dapat lesen P. Hahahaha. Tapi sume tu tak berapa kelakar compared to satu benda yang Mira lupa buat tapi aku tak boleh mention kat sini sebab telah diharamkan oleh drivernya sendiri atas alasan malu yang amat. Walaupun perkara tu amat merbahaya, tapi disebabkan benda tu macam benda paling bengong untuk lupa buat, kitorang gelak sampai sakit perut aku. I sh*t you not, tengah menaip ni pun aku tergelak sebab kelakar sangat.

So, sampailah kitorang ke Alor Gajah dan park sebelah Dataran Keris dan terus mulakan sesi photoshoot untuk kelas photography yang amat membosankan.


Suasana pun macam agak hening jugaklah sebab dah pukul 9 lebih, dekat pukul 10. Kejap je pun kitorang stay kat situ. Sebab dah lewat and curfew pukul 11.00.


Although sekejap, I think we got some pretty great shots especially this one that I took of Qila, using Sony Alpha 3000 with the help of Mira's phone torchlight. 

Basically, the most unplanned things always work out perfectly and without any problems. I'm really looking forward for more random moments like tonight in the future.

Selingan sebentar. KESAYANGAN.