So, that's it then. 10.10.2013, the last exam paper of the semester and the last day of our first semester.
Newly drawn on the front page of my sketchbook XD
I've learnt so much for this past 4-5 months since I've become a student at UiTM Kampus Alor Gajah. I used to be that weird kid in school that nobody wants to really befriend or they only befriend me for certain reasons. Most probably because I'm nice and I will love people until it hurts me. I help people a lot because that is my nature and I love seeing people happy because of me.
But I've never thought I'd ever change to who I am now. I'm different and I feel different. I talk, walk and do different things. I've gone from a loner freak to an actual person, a friend, a sister, almost anything that my friends need. So, I think it's best for me to reflect myself especially about the things I've learnt from my friends.
What I've learnt from my classmates (the boys):
They show me that I should be different and that being different is good. Indirectly, I see that my eccentric attitude somehow amuses them. They show me that there's not much stuff that is going wrong with me. They show me how to have a good time, how to laugh and how to breathe calmly around the people who cares about you. They show me how protective they can be and they show me how sticking together, no matter how grieving, hateful or happy the situation, everything's gonna be alright.
What I've learnt from my classmates (the girls):
These people, these girls that I love show me that I AM ACTUALLY A GIRL. Because I didn't have much girlfriends when I was in school. They lie on the bed with me, watch movies with me, dance around, eat together, having private girly conversation, talking about our problems and just being there together. It's beautiful, really: this bond that we have. They help me through thick and thin and push me up when I'm down. They tell me I shouldn't give up and show me that there's nothing wrong with having fun and being a person.
What I've learnt from my roommates and levelmates:
Ahh, yes. This is one of the most important too. Because they changed a big part of me. Ever since I was 15, all I've been thinking and breathing into me is this jerk who I've once thought would be my best friend forever. I was damn clueless and sh-tless naive. I didn't know what to do or where I was going with this stupid life of mine. At first, yeah they supported me through the rough and say that I should be strong just as I am and that things will work out one day. But they saw me getting worse. So they thought it was time for me to let go. Nobody, and I do mean nobody ever did make me realise how stupid I've been and how wasteful this crap of a situation I was in. People did advice me, a lot of people. But there are only three special people that actually pushed him to the edge of my brain. They were behind me as he grab hold of my hand, asking me not to throw him down the cliff of my head. And they were there pulling me back, telling me that he's done worse to me than I ever did to him. They're telling me that if I ever try to pull him back up, he'll just pull me down straight into hell with him. They pulled me back and I survived. I'm alive. I'm alive partly because of them and I am so grateful to have met these wonderful girls.
What I've learnt to let go of:
This is currently happening and it still is. See, I have this feeling that I'm keeping inside from someone and I think it's best if I let it remain a secret. But I actually did learn something. My roommates and levelmates did help me survive but this particular person actually DID wipe the feelings in my heart. I'm not bitter anymore. I don't get sad or depressed. He didn't even do anything. Probably because I really do have feelings for him. So damn weird. I don't think of that ass-faced life ruiner but instead of this particular person. Let it remain a mystery of who it is. I have a long time to spend here in UiTM, so I have no worries. Haha.
Wish me luck, can't wait to step into the next semester.