They don't exist. They never do. A guy nor a girl, will ever be loyal to you.
Stop convincing yourself that they don't talk bad behind you. Stop convincing yourself that they are a saint. Stop convincing yourself that they don't mind all those things that comes out of your mouth. Stop convincing yourself that they will comfort you when you're at your worst time. They are there because they benefit from you.
I feel like I'm being used. Now that I'm back at a vulnerable state, I can see the people who are distancing from me. I can see their true colours. I can see that they want me around because apparently, I'm too helpful. That's how I feel. I see that now, that there are many who wants to know what you did bad, they pretend like they care, but honestly, they're just there out of curiosity; and the opportunity to learn about the stuff that brings you down, just so they can use it against you someday. I learn that the one you though would never think bad about you judges you from the top of your head to the very tip of your toes. I learn that nobody can love another person more than themselves unless it is of a mother's love.
No one will be there to catch you when you fall, they leave. Because it does not benefit them. Because it doesn't involve them. No one.
You only have yourself. And when you cry in that bathroom stall, you will need to pick yourself back up and pretend that everything is normal. When you are in a bad state of mind, put on a smile, because no one wants to know that you want to kill yourself inside. Nobody wants to know how much your heart is thumping, crying, wailing, wanting to end the shit you're in. Nobody wants to know anything that does not benefit them. Nobody is ever true to anyone else.
Because that's the only person left.
I trust no one.