28 May 2014

The most productive break yet.

Assalamualaikum ~

After weeks of abandoning this blog, I've decided to document my days during the semester break since I'll be back in college dalam masa lebih kurang 10 hari, give or take a day. This post is hella long so it's up to you to let me entertain you with my ridiculous lifestyle.

1. The "I miss them(s) and "Holidays are boooooring" Phase
So, by far this has been the most productive and I might add, the best break I've ever had. Campur segala school breaks, public holidays and semester breaks, I think this one just kills. At the beginning of the semester macam biasalah duduk melanguk je kat rumah tak buat apa. Waiting every single minute for the phone to ring on texts or Whatsapp ke apa benda ke. Sibuk merindui para Lendurians yang jauh nun di Seremban, Shah Alam, Kelantan dan Pahang. Tiap-tiap minggu topup phone tapi semua benda macam tak best langsung.

2. The "I'm trying to please my parents" Phase
Maka I started to duduk bawah, as in I took my laptop and stuff downstairs, tidur makan semua kat bawah. Tak jejak bilik pun. Tidur pun atas sofa. You can read a completely literature-like version of this experience in my previous post.

3. The "Still trying to please my parents by having awkward moments" Phase
Then when I decided to naik atas balik, I still had a better communication with my parents. Sebab dah sampai level aku bercakap tentang benda yang matang dengan parents, so diorang pun rajin layan aku aside from those nights I hooked up my laptop to the TV so that I could watch movies together with them tapi malangnya movies yang aku ada selalu PG13 or 18SX which causes me to lari masuk bilik jap or pergi dapur buat-buat minum air untuk mengelak dari tahap awkward yang melampau.

3. The "Nadrah tak reti masak" Phase
Then the other day my mom challenged me to live without her cooking for a day. I said "Okay, fine. I can manage," and I actually did. For a person who does not know how to cook like me, I successfully masak ayam lauk black pepper kicap amende tah. I don't even know what I cooked but it was edible. My mom came home tanya "Ayah beli lauk ke?" and then I just laughed and told her what I did that day lepas tu dia rasa and cakap sedap so okay aku dah berani masak. Tapi sikit-sikitlah. Next sem break aku belajarlah lagi nanti.

4. The "Let's gain money and friends" Phase
Early May, I had the opportunity to again, jaga konvo UiTM Melaka yang ke-80 and made new friends. Still jugak stick with Kak Syaa, but I met new people, the few I remember of is Kak Nisa, Wani (such a sweetheart this one is and surprisingly was from my first high school), Panjang who was hella funny and a few more others that were entertaining enough to work with. I did got bored jaga air mineral tapi event tiga hari je pun so I was glad I did it. Insha-Allah, two more convos to jaga until I finally graduate.

5. The "Wannabe Baker" Phase 
On the other hand, I successfully baked a cake at the age of 19. Luckily my sister is a baker tegar so segala ingredients aku amek dari rumah dia je. I baked at home dengan segala bebelan yang masuk telinga dari mulut mama sebab yelah, dah lahh tak reti masak, tiba-tiba nak bake pulak. When the 4-inch white cake was done, I was sent to rumah kaklong to decorate it. I used buttercream frosting. It wasn't a masterpiece but still, I baked a cake thanks to the influence and urge triggered by CakeJalanTiung that was introduced to me by Qila.

I also got caught helping my sister out with her baking these couple of days. I have fondant duty in which I'm in charge of the cupcake hantaran. In return, she'll pay for my new pair of shoes, insha-Allah.

6. The "I went out with boyfriend orang" Phase
Sounds wrong? Haha! Tak lahh. This guy is my very good friend sejak azali lagi. We've known each other forever. We haven't been going to the same school since high school and now dia kat UiTM Puncak Alam taking Asasi Sains while I'm happily studying at Lendu. Kelakar lahh jugak kisahnya keluar dengan dia but I got to watch Spiderman so cheers to that.

7. The "Successful Shoppers" Phase
Mommy gave me RM200 to spend on shoes. I've been mentioning to her that I wanted to buy a pair of Converse or Vans dari awal cuti sem lagi. So last week dia bagi duit untuk ajak kakak keluar. Dah lahh kena pusing tempat yang tak disukai. Lepas survey dua-dua I had a change of heart. RM150++ on a pair of shoes? Hahahahahahahahahaha NO. So I called my mom asking her opinion sebab I really didn't feel like buying either Vans nor Converse anymore so she said beli jelahh B.U.M ke AirWalk ke, tak kisah. Coincidentally I went to Cotton On earlier and I saw a pair of gorgeous RUBI shoes that looks more or less like Vans. Ada promotion RM80 for two tapi tak teringin lak nak beli dua pasang so instead I got a grey pair and my sister took a pair of black ballet flats. And the I went to Voir Gallery where I got a grey South Chine Sea top for 50%. I also bought a new purse and this one pair of beautiful sunglasses I've been eyeing on for quite some time. Also, we got to watch the new Godzilla yang ada Aaron Freaking-Johnson *hnnnggg* and I do not undestand kenapa people say that this movie was boring. So that's how I managed to spend money wisely.

8. The "Sexy Workouts" Phase
Well, this actually started like a few days ago. I did gain a little weight this break, I can't lie. Luckily, I had the urge to find fitness tips to kick-start my own fitness program. Seriously though, I want a nice body. I managed to do simple workouts and had good music to motivate me and I might and hopefully make this a daily routine. I just have to find a good spot to do these ridiculous workouts dekat kolej nanti sebab face it, exercising isn't a normal thing for college kids.

Some of the songs that I've been working out to is On My Own by Miley Cyrus, Fancy by Iggy Azalea, Problem by Ariana Grande and Wiggle by Jason Derulo.

So yelahh dah habis dah post panjang berjela. Timaceh to those that stuck with me until the end of this post. In conclusion, my semester break was not boring and typical like the ones I had before.

18 May 2014


I can’t even imagine how to begin but I’m going to have to start somewhere. My eyelids usually get heavier by the minute the clock reaches 10 or 11 at night. No matter how hard I try to stay awake, my body, already on the couch in the living room will always surrender to the messed up biological clock I’ve been having since the start of the semester break. I’ll find myself awake at one or two in the morning, alone and scared because the TV is turned off and the lights are too. Sometimes, I find myself wrapped in a blanket, unknowingly put there by my mom.

I fear the dark so I’ll get up as quickly as possible. If my phone is with me, I’ll be reaching it to ease my way to the light switch by turning it on. As soon as I flicked the switch and the mild, orange wall lamp lit up, I let out an exhale, relieved by the sight of the empty TV hall.

But then there’s the huge kitchen behind me; dark and almost too big. It makes me feel like a scared five-year-old. But I overcome my fear anyway as soon as I went to the open archway and turn on the light. It takes approximately three seconds for the light to actually switch on. Three seconds is long enough for a person who is scared of the dark. So I will stand there, hands on the wall, fingers on the switch, staring into the kitchen that seems very much endless in the dark until I finally see everything.

After the fear got washed away, I sit on the hard couch and reach for the two remote controls that my father so very neatly place in this sewn pocket hanging at the arm of the couch. One is for the TV and one is for the Astro decoder. I turn both on and usually flip over straight to TLC or StarWorld. If the program is interesting enough, I stay there to watch and if nothing entertains me, I head over to the front living hall and turn on my laptop to watch movies that I've repeated over and over again.

As I spend my hours silently watching the movies which are usually comedy while silently laughing in my head, I can’t help but to glance at the kitchen. I hate that place from eleven at night until five in the morning because my mom won’t be there. I won’t feel safe. I keep glancing to make sure that I’m still alone. I’m a coward. I never felt safe.

But this solitude usually reaches its heaven peak whenever I decide to shower. Since the bathroom I use is at the very back of the kitchen, I’ll open every light possible, reach for my towel which is sometimes upstairs in my room, hanging at the back of my door or flung over on the arm of the staircase. I bring my phone with me too. I put on soft, soothing music; mostly from Taylor Swift’s album Red. I listen to sad, sappy, dragging love songs and I sing to them while the warm water runs over me. And when I’m done showering, I’ll find myself rather fond of how I look and feel the confidence I don’t feel during the day. My skin will look much better at night, probably because the sun is asleep and so is everybody else.

I’ll do anything to consume the time, I eat, I read, I write, I draw until it is 5 o’clock. Because that’s when my mother comes out silently from her room and starts her daily routine. She’ll make me breakfast and tells me to go pray when it’s time. And by the time she’s going to work, I’ll be sound asleep on the couch, feeling like a five-year-old and wake up unhappy in the afternoon or late evening because all I want to do is feel another solitude and just waiting for the clock to reach the next one o’clock in the morning.