Unwritable.

Assalamualaikum ~

I lost it. I honestly lost it.

I LOST MY ABILITY TO WRITE.

What is going on? My life is usually projected into words I can't help but to spill but now I can't write anymore. I can't find the right words to arrange. I'm even having trouble writing in class. Every single time I try to write on my blog, I'll end up using the words "I don't know, I just really don't know anymore." I no longer write long passages. I can't write what I mean to say.

I seriously think something is blocking my thoughts and emotions from being written. I love writing so much. I want to write. What is going on??

Someone help me.

Syukur.

Assalamualaikum ~

So it's been a while since I've updated and my stalker friends are demanding to see what I'd have to say next.

I didn't sound so good in my previous post but it was only because of the many shitty assignments I have. I'm fine now. I'm happy as a matter of fact. Things have been going on quite smoothly and the subjects don't seem so bloody shocking anymore.

Still, this semester seems bloody hard as hell. The only thing that actually keeps me alive and well and able to wake up every morning is my friends. It's been three bloody weeks and still the classes are messed up. Lecturers aren't showing up and we still haven't even started learning certain subjects.

I don't know. It feels the same although we learn new things. But sometimes it just feels so damn mundane that I really need my solitude.

On the other hand, being home isn't exactly the best place in the whole world. There's just some unexplained bad vibe in that house. But whenever my parents ask me to follow them to any dinner or balik kampung and such, I kinda get delighted to tag along because basically life is boring as hell when I get stuck in Lendu.

I just came back from iftar with them and I got myself a pretty kimono cardigan even though I got really tired after pusing satu bangunan Aeon nak cari benda yang boleh buat pakai. Alhamdulillah, I mean things are going great when it's just me with my parents.

So, two birthdays have passed, three if you count Muizz's that we celebrated together on Qila's. I better give a brief update about this before I seriously have too much to say and end up making a very long post to speak to my hearts content.

I don't have a proper picture of Qila and Muizz's birthday cake even though I recorded a few videos. As per usual we had dinner at Bentara and went down to the parking lot to surprise them and then kitorang lepak dekat situ sampai puas membebel.

I didn't post on Instagram about that birthday like I normally do with the others tapi takpelah, I just hope they know how much I love and appreciate them.

Rayyan's birthday however went fairly well on the 22nd of June. Petang tu Nana beli tepung dengan Qila and Ayim yang tepungkan Ray dengan tambahan air mineral sejuk si Edry. Lepas tu yang bestnya Adi duduk atas kereta Ayim pastu Ayim drive macam orang gila keliling parking lot.

Hah. Brief sangat ceritanya, macam tak cukup ayat tapi tengah semak kepala dengan assigment lagi so till the next post.

Freedom.

Assalamualaikum ~

The thrid semester started a week ago and to be honest, all I wanna do right now is be home. I want my room back, my bed back.

Sure, I have new things to be thankful for, I have tons of new clothes and new things to learn.

But see, the worst part hasn't even passed yet. It's only the first week and I already declared that I might have a breakdown this semester because everything is just too damn hard.

My new classes and schedules are pretty much fucked up. I don't really like or enjoy my new lecturers. And I feel annoyed with almost everything. I became quiet again. I have no idea if people noticed or not but I keep things to myself a lot nowadays. I sit in the back of the car, I felt wrong losing my earphones and I bought a new pair today just so I can feel content with my own music. I'm not enjoying shopping anymore. All I think about is my mom and dad who had me worried sick for going off to Sarawak for a kursus or something. I can't have them far away. I need them.

I want to go home. I have a shitload of assignments and they make me want to sleep in all day because of how difficult they are.

And honestly, there are a lot of group projects this semester and that worries the hell out of me. First of all, grouping up with a person means not being able to give all of me into my own artwork, second, I'm an extreme procrastinator. But I tend to finish my work on time. But when it comes to having a partner, I can't find my own sweet time to do my work. I'm going to be forced to work earlier which never really brought out the best in me. I'm not joking. I can't do this.

No. I want to be home. I want my solitude.